At What Cost - a reflection

Last night I tuned in to my podcast app to catch up on some episodes I've missed in the Podcast Edu world, and I decided to listen to this episode: https://theedpodcast.podbean.com/e/check-in-35-at-what-cost/

I really connected with the episode because it discussed things I've been reflecting on this school year. The discussion of the educator life/personal life balance got me reflecting on my current and past school year, to which I'll share a bit about.

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First let me give you some background. My name is Amber, and I'm a special education teacher for students in grade 1-3. This is my second year in special education (4th year teaching overall). The opportunity to jump into this field of teaching presented itself last school year, and from there I discovered both the challenge and passion of this area.

My first full year in special education was a lot of learning. If someone asked me years ago "what is your dream grade/area to teach?" I would not have said special education; not because I didn't like it, but because I saw myself as someone who didn't belong in this field of teaching. A constant thought in my first year in special education was "someone with way more experience than I've got should be doing this". This definitely both challenged me and inspired me to learn more . . . and work harder.

So I did. I stayed late. I did research and read books. I spent many days after school pouring over paperwork and planning. I loved my job, and I wanted to do the best for my students - but at what cost? I can still remember one night after school, it was past 7:00 pm, when I got an email notification from a coworker & friend. "GO HOME" it read. She somehow knew I was still at work, and my first thought was . . . I will, soon.

I look back on that school year and I know that other areas of my life took a toll. People around me knew that too. And of course, I always had a readied reason for my work: "It's my first year in this field, it's going to be busy."

Fast forward to today. I look back on that year and honestly, I don't regret it. Why? Because I learned a lot. I learned how to write report cards and IEPs, I learned about special education programming and how to accommodate for different students. I read books and gained knowledge about the different exceptionalities my students had.

I also learned that it's ok to go home. To spend time with friends. To get that workout in. I learned that in order to be the best for your students, you need to be the best for yourself. 

So, what does this year look like? Some days, it does mean staying later and doing work. Some weekends it does mean getting work stuff done. But other nights, it's leaving as soon as I can to get in a workout, to see a friend, or to catch up on a good book. Some weekends it's leaving everything at work and just enjoying some rest time. Sometimes it's a workout . . . and an edu-podcast (all about balance right? haha)

But, I learned all of this at a cost. I find I actually learn best when I go through something, do it actively and try it out. So this year, that's exactly what I'm doing. Do I have perfect balance? Nope! (does perfect balance of work/personal even exist?) But I'm learning as I go, and that's ok with me.